Thursday, 30 April 2009

Wedding day

Now most folks lose weight, whiten teeth, have a clean shave or get their tits done.

My main concern for our wedding day was to not allow the photos to be all lovey dovey ones.

Achieved!

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Monday, 27 April 2009

Me on the marathon coverage.

I WAS ON THE MARATHON COVERAGE!

Ok so it may have only been 2 seconds of screen time. But this all helps my acting showreel.

I am on the far left hand side. Don't get distracted by the runners. They just seem to get in the way of my telly moment. I think I used my telly time wisely. A quick thumbs up then a weird stare.

Text book.

Check it out here!

Sunday, 26 April 2009

The London Marathon

Today the lady and I went to see the all inspiring London Marathon. And ya know what? It was half interesting for about ten minutes.

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I know I know this is harsh!

I know I know this is a great example of human achievement.

I know I know lots of people are running. I run! I just choose not to do it for very long.

All these kind of public events including marathons, fairgrounds, children in need and carboot sales seem to bring out the countrys biggest freaks. Now I'm not talking about the runners here. I'm talking about the weird people that stand on the side of the race clapping and shouting out random peoples names, or even attempting to give them a 'HIGH FIVE'.

Yeah a high five will make these last ten miles seem a hell of a lot easier.

Its actually not the clapping and shouts of encouragement that annoy me. I mean when my lady did the Nottingham half marathon I must admit I to shouted some support. "Hahaha go on Kate. Your head's red!"

There are just certain people who seem to compete with everyone else to be the loudest and most "MARATHON".

"Ooo look at me I know where Gordon Ramsay is."

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THE WORST case with all this is the mighty morphing marathon family; a whole tribe of idiots addicted to out twatting each other.

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"Look dad he's flagging let's shout his name 50 times and point out to the crowd that he's doing shite."

ANYHOW

Rants done. There are some cool spotting games to play whilst watching the marathon. Here were some of my favourite spots.

- Man with hairiest back.

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- Woman with biggest boobs with no sports bra. (Look out for the black eyes).

- Men with bleeding nipples. I call it the count Dracula's mum effect.

- Most unhealthy man amongst the actually decent runners. Otherwise known as least likely to finish.

- The wobbler. Ooops someone didn't take on enough fluid. Crash!

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- Slight cramp boy. This can easily be confused with man who needs to wee.

- Biggest women pants. Running pants with half an arse out.

Here are some of my shots from the day:

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Thursday, 23 April 2009

An advert for my blog

Review from the BBC night

Phew!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/comedy/2009/04/photos-from-comedy-presents.shtml

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If you wanna know more join the facebook page!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Broken-Biscuits/55112764521?ref=ts

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Wednesday, 22 April 2009

THE BIGGEST COMEDY GIG YET!

So last night we performed at the BBC new comedy talent night. Now this was only our fifth gig. Playing along side the dude from Garth Mareghi, Perrier award winner Phil Nichol and some other big names. We had also decided to try and do a new sketch on the night too.

VERY SCARY!!

I must admit we were all slightly bricking it.

It didn't help when I left the venue for some fresh air and saw that line for the gig.

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Thankfully the gig went really well.

Thanks to all who came down to support us.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!

This morning we were merrily on our way to do the weekly big shop. The sun was shining, the birds were tweetering (hmm) when all of a sudden something terrifying halted our food journey. The clouds started to gather and the tweetering birds died from fear. Our lives were on a knife's edge.

We had taken this route many times before but had never been refused right of passage. Today was different, a monsterous bully was blocking the street. With an evil look in his eye and several weapons on each arm......

We were fearing for our lives!

How could we ever get around this giant?


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The beast sat still for what seemed like days. Until finally we used our secret weapon; we honked the car horn.

Slowly and nonchalantly the beast strolled out from the road.

Either he was crazy or visually impaired.

I would go with the latter option, probably a problem with his CATaracts.

Top tip.

Very nice place to drink in the centre of London. Trafalgar Hotel. Just take the elevator to the roof. An amazing city view.

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Saturday, 11 April 2009

Ahem

The older I get the more I realise that my friends mainly consist of fellow idiots.

A perfect example.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

ADVICE WHEN VIDEO BLOGGING

No longer make basic Video blog errors with my top 4 tips.

Friday, 3 April 2009

Getting words wrong.

From time to time everyone gets their words mixed up a bit.

I possibly do more than most. Here are some of my classics.

"Ooo that stereo is TOP OF THE ART."
Meant to say: Top of the range / state of the art.

He doesn't know me from LARRY!!
REAL SAYING: I'm happy as Larry / He don't know me from Adam.

I also create and make up brand new words like....
Estimentation.
Complimentative.

A friend of mine though is the King of the slip ups.

Ladies and gentlemen Introducing Mr Steve Clarke.

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What Steve said: "Don't Spoil My Thunder!"
What Steve Meant: Don't STEAL my thunder!

What Steve said: "Patience Comes To Those Who Wait"
What Steve Meant: Great things come to those who wait?

What Steve said: "...Sam and Dave...."
What Steve Meant: While talking about who performed a particular song....that would be CHAS and Dave!

What Steve said: "You'll Be Cutting It Thin!"
What Steve Meant: Cutting it FINE!
(Steve talking about Dicko travelling from Walsall to Nottingham in in 45 mins...shame Dicko NEVER made it!)

What Steve said: "He's A Bit Of A Wet Fish!"
What Steve Meant: He's a bit of a wet blanket/He's a bit wet behind the ears...??

What Steve said: "Woah! That leaves me with the wrong end of the straw!"
What Steve Meant: Woah! That leaves me with the wrong end of the STICK!


It's good to know that there are bigger idiots out there.

All this and more at www.steveisms.co.uk

Thursday, 2 April 2009

A great event.

Is this one of the greatest events to ever happen?

James brown on stage doing his thang. He spots Michael Jackson in the audience. They pretend the whole thing ain't rehearsed, Then all of a sudden, who would have thought it.....

PRINCE IS THERE TOO!!!

Blimey!