Monday, 16 March 2009

Argue with an idiot? YOU WILL LOSE!

Arguing with an idiot is possibly the most pointless thing you can do. They do not hear your point. They do not hear your anger and frustration. They do not notice you're even there. Some of the biggest idiots in the world can be found in the following places:

Mobile phone shops, especially 3 network and phones 4 u.
Virgin's call centre
Boots
On trains
Community police officer things
Chemists (the ones who think they are doctors)
Bouncers

Idiots really are everywhere, and the worst and most powerful idiots are those bloody jobsworth idiots. You know the kind who have only got to their rank of authority due to the boss needing every last inch of butt being licked so clean that you could eat your dinner off it.

My most recent argument with an idiot came a few weeks ago. I have recently been going out of my mind with my mobile phone. It turns itself off, the screen goes dead, the reception is worse than tin cans and string. It is basically a piece of shit. Now I don't really care anymore if my phone can take a picture, check my heart rate or fly. All I want it to really be able to do is.... BE A PHONE!!!!

I had got so fed up with phoning 3 to complain, then getting cut off by the fault I was complaining about. I decided I was going to take my phone to the shop and get this sorted once and for all.

Phone in hand I entered the shop. It felt and looked like being inside an ice cube. The phones are strung up in their millions across each wall. Each on a tiny leash. Prisoners to the shop.

A tall thin weirdly-toothed young man catches my eye and wonders over. Struggling to walk right as he's obviously borrowed his dads suit. But he has made it his own by adding a comedy tie.

Ladies and gentleman this is our idiot.

I take a deep breath.

"Hello sir how can we help you today?"

"Err"

"Can we interest you in a new phone?" "Are you currently on 3?" "How many texts do you make a day" "Do you like cheese?" "Do you need to keep your old telephone number" "Do you..?"

I slap him in the face to stop the sales rant.

" I am actually already a 3 customer and have come here to complain about how crap my phone is "

All the energy and excitement of a possible new sale drain from the glorified sales chimps face. The only sniff of a bonus he will get from me is to have something to talk to Cindy about when they have there next flurtasious fag break.

" What seems to be the problem then sir "

" well 'sales chimp' "

I take an even deeper breath. This is it. This is my time. MY TIME TO RANT AND TELL HIM HOW SHITE HIS PHONE IS. TELL HIM HOW ANGRY IT MAKES ME. TELL HIM I AM NOT A HAPPY BUNNY!!! COME ON LETS GO!!

The following is in super high speed talk.

" My phone turns itself off, It seems to have a mind of its own. It will literally cut off at what always seems to be the most vital point of the call. The screen goes blank when i am texting and sometimes has actually sent blank texts to people, making me look like I have about the same grasp of phone technology as my mum. Not all of the keys work so it is quicker for me to use a Z as an S, thus making me look as clazzy az a chav. I have to be on guard 24/7 as it randomly selects what ring tone I have. Several times I haven't realised it was 'me ringing' because I would never choose the' crazy frog' ringtone. The battery dies so quickly I take a generator with me when I leave the house. All in all it is the worst thing I own and I would like a refund or new phone now please."

By this point I am out of breath. The sales chimp, still slightly smiling wonders if I have finished. He takes a moment to wipe the spit from my rant off his face. And says

" We haven't had any complaints before. There's nothing wrong with those phone. " He looks at me as if I have been abusing my phone like someone who miss treats puppies. This goes around in a circle for the next 30 mins.

AHHHHHHHHH. I start to cry.

I am now 4 months away from my contract ending. I feel like one of the phone's in their shop trapped and tied on a leash a prisoner to 3 network!!!
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In the same way you can't have an argument with a idiot. It is also impossible to interview someone who is off there head. This is one of the funniest things I have seen on youtube. Mr James Brown off his mind on the news.

1 comment:

  1. good post! i feel for you, man. for what its worth, Chris Morris did a thing about arguing with stupid people:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n677ZbzC24

    ReplyDelete