Monday, 9 February 2009

Man creche and fat lobes

As the years go by you start to notice funny little changes to your body. Moobs, gut, hair, lack of hair, Slight smell of death?

One of the many things I have noticed recently is that my ear lobes are growing fatter. Is this possible? I have never heard this being mentioned as a "problem area" on how to look good naked. Personally I find this rather shameful and am therefore quite shy about my fat lobes.

But this insecurity means nothing to my ever caring better half. She actually thinks they are very cute, and the worst thing about that is she loves to honk them!!!

Now I can usually see a lobe honking coming a mile off. We will be chilling out on the couch, all of a sudden her eyes gaze at my face, then slowly seem to get slightly distracted. I start to think that my wife has gone bog eyed.

No no no

She has in her sights frimly fixed on the lobes. A smile rises on her face, followed very quickly by her hand moving towards my ear, and ............HONK!! Damn it!!

I ask her constantly to stop but she carries on regardless. Worst of all she sometimes actually invites other girls to have a feel for themselves!!!!! Its even more humiliating than having my mum spit on a tissue to wipe my face when i was a child. OR even more humiliating than having to try trousers on in the shop because mum couldn't be bothered to queue for the changing rooms. The shame.

Now I thought I was all alone in this lobe patronising state. All alone that was until last week.

It was a typical Saturday shopping trip, I was sat in the Topshop man creche. Man creche I hear you question?? You know, its where they have the chairs outside the girls changing rooms, especially for the poor blokes who dutifully wait whilst there beautiful maiden takes 50 dresses into the room even though 5 is the limit.

Now you ladies wouldn't know this, but there are some clear rules of engagement to get blokes through the man creche time.

Rule number one, Look as busy or bored as possible. The main aim of this rule is to not let the other blokes think for one minute that you enjoy shopping. For them to think that you are some dutiful servant, who likes nothing more than to follow his other half around the shops like rain man, would be so shameful, you may as well start wearing a thong and become one of the cheeky girls. So to prevent any sign of looking happy a lot of tutting sighing and general pretending to text a mate goes on in MAN CRECHE.

Anyhoot.

I'm sat down with about 5 other blokes. Tutting sighing and texting away. All of a sudden a door swings open. Is it me!! IS IT ME!!! has my time finally come to leave man creche....Nooo!!! My fair maiden is only on dress 26.

A pretty young lady smiles and walks over to one of the lead tutters in man creche. He was looking so annoyed with waiting I thought he was going to bludgeon the over fashioned changing room assistant. The pretty young lady goes to her dutiful rainman, She smiles as if to say Good boy for waiting. She starts to glance away from his face. Her arm starts to rise up and..... yes you guessed it, she starts honking his earlobe, telling him how soft they are. HAHAHA its not just me!!!!

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